Thinking of Dad

circa 1990

Of course I think about Dad every day, but today, being the 6th anniversary of his passing, I've been thinking about him even more. I spent the morning digging through some old pictures (I have better pictures of him in the basement, but they are completely inaccessible) and thought I might share just a few.

Not sure when this picture was taken, but I remember that train set. I also remember all the times Dad helped put something together. I realized that Dad was more active in my life than I thought.

Like when we learned something new--riding bikes, driving cars, playing sports.

circa 1988

Like when he would throw the softball with me. It didn't happen often, but I have distinct memories of this day:

circa 1988 me 17, him 42

I wanted him to think I was good even though we all knew I couldn't play softball to save my life!

How about this picture of us kids and Dad circa 1992. I think this might have been Easter??

I'm not going to lie and say today is not a sad day; it is. I think I speak for all of us when I say I miss him more today than I did 6 years ago, and life just doesn't seem the same without him. It's incomplete. We will always have a hole in our lives; there are things he will never be a part of...in this life time.

But that's the thing I have come to understand. Dad is with us, every day, all day. He is in everything we do. Yes, it would be wonderful to have him physically present, but his spirit permeates our living every moment of every day. He taught us all so much maybe not through words but certainly through his actions.

There were many more pictures I could have shared, but I don't want to focus on what was, but what is. That I am his daughter, my children are his grandchildren, and their children will be his great-grandchildren. I am part of him. He is in me, with me, all around me. When I attempt to learn something new, like using a circular saw or learning something about the computer, that's him. When I feel like I don't need lots of extra people in my life because I have my family and that's enough, that's him. When I get up in the middle of the night because one of my children need me, that's him. When I look at Mom, I see the woman he loved all those years, and that's him. And when I hang with my siblings, the other 4 people who share in his DNA, and their children, that's him.

I love Dad today just as much, if not more than, I did 6 years ago, and I cherish every single moment I had with him just as I have learned to cherish all the moments I have today and tomorrow with my family and friends.

But, the most long-lasting lesson I gleaned from Dad is perseverance. Dad was determined and when he put his mind to something, he accomplished it no matter the obstacles. I feel like my recent diagnosis is a lesson in perseverance and I feel him close to me now more than ever, and I know, with his help, I will persevere as well.