The other night, Ray and I had an interesting conversation. We had just been to Emily's soccer party at one of the parent's pools (who also happens to be a public school teacher), and Ray was telling me how this parent was questioning Ray about our choice to put the girls in a private school when I teach in a public school. This discussion lead us talking about my teaching and how I am frustrated with parts of it. At one point I said, "I can't" about one of his suggestions and he replied, "As soon as you say you can't, your mind closes off from all the possibilities that are out there. If you say 'I can' then you start to see ideas everywhere--t.v. commercials, billboards, just about everywhere."
??????
This is Ray talking mind you, not one of my friends who buys into the whole universe thing and the power of one's thoughts. He continued talking, but I was no longer listening. I was still stuck at his comment about opening up onesself to the limitless possibilities that are out there. I was frustrated with him at the time because every time I would say I couldn't do something, he countered with a comment like that. But, when I got quiet and listened and thought about what he had said, it made sense, and I realized he was actually encouraging me.
??????
Fast forward to yesterday morning. We were sitting on the front porch. He was on the computer and I was reading. We started talking about vacations and the deck and stuff when he said I should get a side business taking pictures. My reply was that I would love to, but I need money to educate myself. I mean, I've been lucky to accidentally get a couple of cute pictures, but I have no idea what I'm really doing. He counters with, "Go to the library, get a free book." I say, "I don't really understand that stuff without doing it or seeing it." He replies, "Then watch a u tube video." Every time I countered, he had another suggestion. I got mad. I yelled, "So, when someone says to me, 'How did you learn photography?' I'm supposed to reply (insert wierd voice I made here) 'I watched a u tube video'??!" I stormed off. I felt like he was belittling me and attacking something I really want to do. I cried in the bathroom for about 30 seconds then stopped,went back to the front porch, ignored Ray (yes, I'm a big pouter), and continued reading. But, all day I couldn't stop thinking about his suggestions.
Is he encouraging me yet again????
After he left for golf, I got on the computer and looked up photography books. I have one reserved at the library and two on the way from Amazon. I installed some actions (hence the different photos you see in this post) that I bought last summer but have been too intimidated by the directions to install. And then I started playing around with them.
All because of Ray. It's wierd, really. I feel like Ray is never on my side and never supports me in anything I want to do. But now I'm wondering if he really does; he just has a wierd way of going about it. Perhaps, and this is a big perhaps, I need to pay attention to him more, and really listen to what he's saying. Like this morning. I came down as he was getting ready to go to work, and he said, "Aren't you going to work out?" I shrugged. "I thought you were going to work out." I got a little irritated, but just said I didn't know what I was going to do. I felt like he was nagging me and pointing out what I wasn't doing. After he left, I thought, again, "Is that his way of motivating me?"
Who really knows. Ray is an enigma, and I doubt I will ever truly figure him out, but seeing him in a different light does kind of help me like him a little more. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have to give him a little credit one day for motivating me.
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