Gross funny

Did you know that boys have tentacles?

That's what Emily thought until I explained to her that they are called, testacles.

The conversation came up because Hannah told me about two boys who were trying to hit each other in the "ball."

"Hannah, they have two balls." {insert HUGE laughter from both of them}

"They do??"

"Yes, they are called testacles. {insert even MORE laughter}

"Ha, Ha, Ha," guffaws Emily while rolling around on the floor. "Boys have tentacles! Ha, Ha, Ha!"

That's when I start laughing. "Not tentacles, Emily, testacles."

"Mom, I didn't know boys had 2 balls; I thought boys only had one long thing," Hannah tells me.

"They have one long thing and two balls," I reply. Did I mention how uncomfortable this conversation is getting for me?

That's when the unavoidable happened: "Well, what are the balls for, Mom?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what my head said when Hannah asked that question. It isn't the first time she has asked about sex (although, she didn't realize that's what she was asking at the moment) "They make sperm." I'm gulping, gulping, gulping.

"What is sperm?" Now I'm sweating--profusely.

"Sperm makes babies." Please stop, please stop, please stop.

"How?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I told them. Basically I said, "That big long thing puts the sperm in your belly where you have an egg and the two of them combine to make a baby." I was soooo hoping this would be enough to satisfy their questions, but it wasn't. I mean, Emily is yelling "EWWWW!!! and laughing hysterically right now.

I see Hannah's mind working. "How does that stuff get from the balls into your belly?"

"How do you think it happens?" I ask.

Emily responds, "Kissing?" Now I'm laughing.

"No. If it's his pee-pee, then..." I'm really hoping they can put this together themselves; I really don't want to have this conversation. But they don't and I have to tell them. As soon as I do, they are both yelling, "EWWWWW" and then Hannah says, "Did Daddy do that to you?" and then Emily says, "Daddy did it twice!" That's when I threw everyone else under the bus.

"How do you think Jo Jo's baby got in there or Aunt Sue had Mya or Grandma Heckle and Grandma Durbin had kids?" I mean, I couldn't be the only one they thought of this way.

"Grandma Heckle did it lots of times! Ewww!" Emily is apparently quick at math. "Do you have to go to the hospital to get it done?" and "Does it hurt?" are the next questions.

At this point I am beyond comfortable with this conversation I'm having with my 2nd and 3rd grader, so I say, "Do we really have to talk about this now?" We ended the conversation that sex makes babies and only married people do it. Not completely accurate, I know, but I'll save the rest of "the talk" for later. I can only take so much stress in one day!