Bittersweet

I was just reading Jo Ann's blog where she wrote about how excited she is to be having a baby and how fun holidays will be (well, and everyday life as well). It made me happy and sad. I am so happy for her to be having her first child. Babies are just amazing. But, I am sad that I cannot have any more, and that when my babies were babies, it was a very sad time in my life (dad's cancer). Emily was only 1 when Dad passed. Their first years were such hard times for me that I feel like I didn't get to have as much fun or enjoy them the way I would have liked. I can't say I didn't have any fun, I did. I enjoyed them and those times as much as I could. I don't look back with regret...I did what I could do...but man, would things have been different if Dad hadn't gotten sick when he did. Or, if he hadn't gotten sick at all. (that would be nice!) Watching all these new babies come into the world is very bittersweet for me. I am so happy for the new parents, but sad for myself at the same time.

Sometimes, I just wish I could adopt.

Oh well. I can't change what has happened. I can only focus on what I have now. I LOVE my girls more than anything in this world, and I am so thankful (even on rotten days) that I have them. It's just bittersweet to watch them grow knowing one day, I will have to let go, and I will have no more babies here at home.